Journal about self-growth

Its It's been a year since I wrote anything, and getting back to it is pretty scary...A lot of things have changed in the past year, a lot of people around me and a lot of 'me'...A lot of 'me' generally refers to how I've changed both physically and mentally...well let's talk about the easier thing for now; even though my growth over the past year hasn't been linear, it's been significant to me, I've finally started becoming a person small "me" would like to look up to. I'm finally in a position where I can say I'm proud of myself. I've personally gone through a fair amount of traumatic shit the past year, but again there's no running away from it. For the half part, it took me an insanely large amount of time to realize what I had been through was extremely bad and unfair. I kept blaming myself for the other half, feeling incredibly guilty and ashamed of it, but I sometimes still do. Still, I don't let it be a reason to push myself into unproductivity and depressive episodes. Now getting at the difficult part is the body dysmorphia that came along with growth; it's a constant battle to love or hate my body; there still are days when I don't like to look at my body or wish I had the power to change how it looks however it isn't entirely possible at the moment. The idea of people seeing me in my current state washes over me. It's strange because an over-confident person expects all eyes to look at them since they're conceited. I feel all eyes looking at me for precisely the opposite reason. But in conclusion, I love myself more than I ever did.


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