Showing posts from March, 2022

What does my faith mean to me ?

Having been brought up in a Hindu household, I've always been accustomed to agreeing to be within certain boundaries, whether in my social or personal life. I still remember when I was three years old, my mom took me to Saraswati Mandir in Dabali, which is just 5 minutes away from my home. It was Saraswati puja that day & it also was the very first day when I was taught how to write the Devanagari script, my mom held my hands, and we together wrote: " क,ख, ग " on the walls of the temple. After doing so, we took blessings from the Pandit who was there & went home. For the three-year-old me, it practically meant nothing, and I couldn't comprehend why my mum would take me to a place as sacred as the temple to teach me Devanagari script, and what even was the point of scribbling into the walls? I often stayed in my Mamaghar in my childhood cause both of my parents worked a 9-5 job. On the days when my Aama was free from her household chores, she took

19 & unemployed

I sigh as I wake up early in the morning, I'm restless, and my body is aching everywhere. As I look into my phone, it's 5:01 am, and the voices of alarm don't seem to stop despite me trying to turn it off. It's such a cold day,  I say to myself as I finally get out of my bed to get ready for college. I do all the mundane tasks, including brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and changing into fresh pair of clothes. It was already 5:30 am, so I rushed out of my home & to my bus stop. While I stood there waiting for the bus, I started thinking about all the places where I had applied my resume last night and counted the probability of me getting in; the chance was zero; of  course, why would any company hire someone who's just passed their high school & has little to no experience.  As soon as the bus arrived, I rushed inside & sat in the cornered seat which was available. I began checking my emails, showing I had no new emails to open. I was dis

Falling in love

I remember when I was a kid, I used to have this idea about love that it was so profound & so pure. Even now, I'm not sure what it means, but it has done incredible things to me and honestly made me a better person. It's so hard describing the very thing I experience & feel every fucking day. My interpretation of love is so simple; I believe it to be an emotion that gives you immense comfort and joy. Although love has its variations be it romantic, platonic, or parental, I think each & every one of them is equally important. But " young love " it's incredibly flustering. When two young people with big dreams & ambition fall in love, the days suddenly start being more blissful & fun. Ever since I met him, I've had this voice inside me that tells me I don't deserve to fall in love with someone so perfect cause I'm nothing like him; maybe it's my nativity that puts me in a position where I feel so insecure about the fac

To my first girl crush

I first formally met you in 8th grade; we competed against each other's team in a basketball game. I didn't even know how to play that sport; I was just there cause one of my teammates was injured. Good god, you were so fucking beautiful. Amazing brunette hair with the perfect length, kind face, and legitimately a brilliant and caring individual. You were famous, athletic, and had a smile that could light up any room, and I was nothing like you. I usually find people in that position to be very mean and bratty, but I do honestly believe to this day that you were an exception cause you were always incredibly thoughtful and warm. I'm not sure when I started liking you, but it was probably when we were getting to the end of 10th grade; I used to find you so pretty and attractive. You were one of the kindest people I knew back then, and even if we didn't have much in common, I'm so glad that we at least shared our interest in books; as much as I knew you wer