19 & unemployed

I sigh as I wake up early in the morning, I'm restless, and my body is aching everywhere. As I look into my phone, it's 5:01 am, and the voices of alarm don't seem to stop despite me trying to turn it off. It's such a cold day, I say to myself as I finally get out of my bed to get ready for college. I do all the mundane tasks, including brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and changing into fresh pair of clothes. It was already 5:30 am, so I rushed out of my home & to my bus stop. While I stood there waiting for the bus, I started thinking about all the places where I had applied my resume last night and counted the probability of me getting in; the chance was zero; of course, why would any company hire someone who's just passed their high school & has little to no experience. 

As soon as the bus arrived, I rushed inside & sat in the cornered seat which was available. I began checking my emails, showing I had no new emails to open. I was disappointed & maybe a little bit too desperate. I began contemplating each & every part of my resume and thought about the areas I could work on, but would altering the positions of my data there land me a job, or would it simply be something that would bring "peace" within me?

I've had this yearning inside me that craved "independence" forever, but I didn't care much about it until the last two months. I've been engaged in activities that would land me a job, or as LinkedIn users would say, I've been "networking." But isn't "networking" just a fancy way of saying, "riding a stranger's dick to get a job?" Well, anyway, I find that the working culture in our country often lacks ethics cause as soon as a person graduates high school, if or when they start looking for a job, they'd be provided with unpaid opportunities. The job's only perk would be that we'd get "experience" & a recommendation letter for our next job, which wouldn't even matter ?!So is working right after high school even worth it? 

In hindsight, the only reason I've been chasing after jobs is cause I wanna be able to pay for my therapy, not that my parents wouldn't pay for them, but it's too much of an expense to put on their heads (or I believe so). And maybe a job would help me not fall into depressive episodes anymore cause I would be accustomed to a routine.

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  1. Hello I went through few of your blogs, articles.. About religion,education your paintings, you write simple and good., , its nice, I'm someone who is always afraid to post any thing I think of even.. And,What kind of depression you are going through?I have never gone to a therapy properly nor I think i will be able to open up to anyone about it. Does therapy help?

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    1. Hello, I'm so sorry for getting back at you late....I have been diagnosed with BPD and ADHD, personally therapy has helped me a lot with both navigating my life and regulating my emotions. If you feel you need to talk more about it with someone feel free to reach out to me!

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